Last Night I Took Off My Purity Ring

Last night-after 6 years- I took off my purity ring.
Not because I no longer desire to be pure but because of the little words engraved on the ring: “True Love Waits”. I don’t want this to sound cheesy or even condescending, but no. TRUE love doesn’t wait.

The reality is I have experienced the ultimate love of Jesus. Not JUST because he died on the cross for me-the ultimate act of love- but because he constantly romances me every single day with a love that never fails. No, he is not my “boyfriend” but he is true love. He is the love I’ve been waiting for. I’m not “waiting” around for something better, because there is no better love. If the Lord gives me the gift of marriage, then that’s soooo exciting. But life doesn’t start when you get married people. Its now. Its right in front of you. And so is your ultimate lover.

The Bible never promises us girls husbands. Harsh reality, but its true. I’m the worst when it comes to cheering up a heartbroken friend. My whole life I’ve said things like, “Its okay, God has someone better in store for you”. But I’m never going to say that again. It will probably sound something like “Its okay, The Lord loves you so much. Just know that this is for your good, even if its hard. You are so precious and beautiful!”

Please know that the True Love Waits series changed my life. In fact, I can say with absolute certainty that I would not be a virgin today if my youth group had not done a series on it. I love and respect this ministry. But If we’re being honest, we’re lying to our youth groups if we promise them a future spouse only to keep them from  having sex. And if not having sex is the goal, we have bigger issues to face. I just wish I had spent more time falling in love with Jesus and less with my “future husband” 

(Added: The True Love Waits ministry is not the problem. The problem is a lot of girls take what they learn about purity and run with it in a way that honors their future husband more than God.

Also, I love purity rings. Wear them. Use them as a reminder to flee sexual immorality and stay pure in every way possible to honor God. Its just that for me, taking mine off represented giving up the idea of a future husband.)

This blogger (when addressing the series) says it best in her article “I Don’t Wait Anymore”:

“A lot of girls are sold on a deal and not a savior”

 

God is worth so much more than our virginity.

And he is so much more than a pathway to a husband.

He is the goal. He IS love.

“Have you ever realized that God’s Word promises that Jesus will come on a white horse and will rescue his bride, that he is preparing a mansion for you and will one day wipe away every tear? These truths were written in scripture thousands of years before fairy tales. The Cinderella story is just a shadow of a much greater spiritual longing. When marriage is healthy and men are truly honorable and chivalrous, this is a celebration of the ultimate Prince.”  Juli Slattery in Pulling Back the Shades 

Revelation 6:2 “And I looked, and behold, a white horse! And its rider had a bow, and a crown was given to him, and he came out conquering and to conquer.”

How beautiful would it be to to see people so in love with Jesus that it didn’t matter if they ever got married?

The relationship you might have one day with your husband is simply a picture, a representation, of the relationship we have with our ultimate lover, Jesus.

[Song of Solomon is not just about a man and a woman’s love. Its an allegory for Christ and his bride, the church.  aka you and me 🙂 ]

“My beloved speaks and says to me: Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away, for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone.”

“You are altogether beautfiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.”

“You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride; you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes…”

“How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all of your delights.”

“I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me.”

HE pursues us, even if a guy doesn’t.

HE constantly fights for us, even if a guy doesn’t see your worth.

HE gave his life for us, even if a guy will never do that for you.

HE is always strong, even when men can be weak.

He is always patient and kind, unlike men who can lose their temper.

HE bears all things.

HE endures all things.

HE is always there.

Sweet women, he delights in us. No matter what we’ve done. No matter how many times we’ve spat in his face by using and ignoring him. He’s fighting for you and he will never stop.

Stop waiting. Love is here.

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117 thoughts on “Last Night I Took Off My Purity Ring

  1. “God is worth so much more than our virginity.”

    This should be a red flag to any marriage-seeking man out there. A woman who has been promiscuous is way more likely to leave you than a woman who obeys the Lord enough to keep His commandments about sexual purity. If she can’t be obedient and loyal to God, she won’t be to you.

    1. She wasn’t saying that it’s okay to be promiscuous – she was saying that we shouldn’t be simply staying pure for God, we should be loving him with our whole hearts and everything that’s in us. Virginity is a small part of being pleasing to God and we worry too much about that and not enough about other important things.

  2. Reblogged this on In Pursuit of Intimacy and commented:
    I like the point she made here. It’s like I can hear myself talking. Lol. “Harsh reality, but its true.”

    For us, Christians, having no boyfriend since birth is an achievement. I am one of them and I’m happy about it. However, I am not bragging because I was able to keep myself single throughout my 19 years. That is not the reason why. Being an NBSB doesn’t mean you didn’t gave your affections to others. I’ve had crushes in the past. I’ve struggled through this like any other teenage girl, especially during my high school days. 😛

    But I brag about Jesus–how He pursued me, how faithful He is even from the start, even before I knew Him. Since I encountered Him, I found a love so true, so pure, so faithful. Nothing in this world could ever compare. It was in knowing that He loves me when I started falling in love with Him. I cannot boast about my love for Him but it’s the least I could do.

    When you allow Him to touch the deepest recesses of your heart, He graces you with undistracted devotion with Him. Yielding to Him is a matter of choice.

  3. Good explaination and I love your view on this issue. True love waits does not mean that you have to wait to be in LOVE with God or to be loved by God. The true love waits talked about here is that of sexual acts. Its a matter of waiting for that true harmony between a husband and a wife. I got married in 2013 and both me and my wife were virgins and guess what we were madly in LOVE with Jesus before we even started dating. We don’t look back on our decisions of waiting for the perfect timing to make LOVE. I did not “wait for love” because I had someone somewhere waiting for me but I waited for my “Love” because it was my obligation to do so. How? For I know true love is two way and I have to live my faith and my conviction that I am madly in Love with God by doing what’s right in His eyes. Yes I don’t need to wait to find this love in God for salvation is not by works but in James faith goes with good works. My 26 years of waiting not to sin was not primarly for my wife but for response to God’s love for me. I waited for Gods timing till I got my wife. In other words, I waited for this true “love” because of my TRUE LOVE. The question is on the focus. Are we focusing on God or the future husband/wife. So yes you might take the ring off but it depends on your understanding and interpretation on this topic.

  4. I never really thought about it that way before!! Thank you so much for posting this!!
    I wear a purity ring, and on it it says, “True Love Waits” I am really thinking twice about this true love waits thing!! your post is so amazing!! I will continue to wear my purity ring, but when people ask about it, I am going to tell them that it symbolizes my promise to God, instead of my future husband. (if I have one)

  5. And maybe purity has absolutely nothing to do with sexuality at all.

    I didn’t believe this when I was single, but truly the best way to find a mate is not to look for one at all. It’s hard to see this when you are single and feel that nagging internal desperation. But now that I am five years married and free from that, I see it so clearly. As a single Christian you should embrace your life as it is, not your singleness, your life. Single is the wrong word for it. You are not alone. You should date people, not romantically, but as friends. Get to know people. Get to know how to love people. And thereby get to know yourself. Marriage is not what single people imagine it to be. It is not about falling in love. You quickly loose that butterflies feeling and realize that your spouse is sinner just as much as you. Marriage is one of the hardest things you will ever do. Don’t get me wrong. It is also wonderful, but in a completely different way then you expect. I love my wife so much, but I wish so badly that I had made more of my single life. I know, I thought I understood what married people meant when they said all of this to me, but I didn’t. I had no idea, and neither do you. Marriage does not require love. Marriage requires a choice, a hard choice, that has to be made every single day. Marriage is a death. In a good way, a Christ like way, but it is still a death.

    I cannot believe I am on this side of things now. It feel so weird to say all this, but it is true. For the love of God, stay single as long as you can. I love being married to my wife, but please believe me. You really should stay single as long as you can.

  6. I must admit, I skimmed over the post while doing some homework. But, from what I read, that’s quite insightful. I wish more people (myself included) had their priorities straight. If God is your priority, your priorities will fall into place. The way I put it seems cliche, but it’s true. Thanks for your post!

  7. AMEN – even in marriage, good ones , we tend to “wait again” for him or her to love us better or for the next “distraction” (like children or jobs or. . . . ) to “fulfill” us because no one human can fulfill our EVERY Love need; ONLY Jesus !!!! Your gift of discernment is aligned with the truth of God . . . . no ring, no bible study, no “self-help”, no waiting, can replace receiving HIS LOVE NOW !!!! The rest is just HIS “GRAcing” on the cake !!!

  8. This is an awesome post! I’m sorry I reblogged before it occurred to me to ask for permission. I do hope you don’t mind. Indeed true love doesn’t wait! true love is an urgent business!

  9. Thank you so much for writing this simple word that I believe the Lord will use to show more and more women that ” the days are evil, and that we are called to make the most of our time” because we are not guaranteed tomorrow. Truly, thank you.

  10. My main issue with this post: “TRUE love doesn’t wait.” It most certainly does. Don’t downplay the ability to love another person simply because it isn’t working for you. Just because we are to love God above all else does not mean we cannot truly love other people. The Bible says “Love is patient”, so that directly contradicts your one statement there. I understand you are trying to break down what people have implied from these words, but that does not make the words themselves false (which also means saying the opposite of those words is not truth). God is love and God most definitely waits for us. He never says ‘Figure out that I’m the Way, the Truth, and the Life or I’m gone’. And loving God, you should definitely have patience to wait for His perfect timing (and sometimes have the patience to deal with it when it isn’t going to happen at all). True love definitely waits. Spreading awareness of the true meaning should be the ultimate goal, not abandoning the words altogether.

    1. Guy – Love IS patient, but a human cannot BE LOVE !!!! Love is patient with people who don’t or can’t receive it but God does not make us “wait” to receive it from HIM. We think we have LOVE and can LOVE but if we choose not to receive it from HIM, it is an imitation. GOD IS patient (we are not, we cannot fathom the “love is patient”, that is who HE IS) !!! God is talking about HIS love, which we can be a conduit for but we CANNOT be patient like HIM !!!

      Sorry – she is right on !!!!!

  11. So true……….I teach Singles and have been a widow for 20 years. This is a message I want all of them to hear! Fall in love with Jesus and He will fill in the blanks which may or may not include a husband!

  12. Awesome! The truth!! I totally support the purity ring project. But as you said somehow the message got twisted. Stay pure for your future husband was what got injested instead of stay pure for God and obey His commandments. The focus needs to change but this is true of adult singles ministries as well because this is the same message we send. Wait for the awesome man that God is sending. How presumptive of us to make a promise for God. A simple be obedient to God is the best message.
    All around we are failing our young girls and women when we focus on the waiting for a godly man. As you said life doesn’t star after you get married life is now!!!! Live and honor God NOW!!!

  13. Me and My Wife Stayed totally Pure since before we met and until our Wedding Day after Dating Two and a Half years and Was the Biggest Blessing Anyone could Ever Grasp! God is Soo Good and Has Blessed our Marriage by it every day! Makes a Difference to actually obey God’s Commands.

  14. Thank you so much for your awesome words! I love this message so much and I FEEL THE SAME WAY! It is so very hard to deal with the issue of marriage because I think just as much as guys may lust after girls physically and sexually we lust after a marriage and a future husband and a future family! But you are SO right- God is enough! He is more than enough! And if He, in all His glory and wonder, wants us to be single for our whole entire lives, then we will bring Him the most glory doing that- which is all that this life is about! I LOVE this so much thank you for writing this and all your other blogs!

  15. So what I’ve been unable to work out after reading this, uhm, this whatever it is, what I’ve been unable to fathom is this; after you took off this purity ring did you or did you not get any cock?

    1. No, she didn’t. She wrote “I love purity rings. Wear them. Use them as a reminder to flee sexual immorality and stay pure in every way possible to honor God. Its just that for me, taking mine off represented giving up the idea of a future husband.”

      She had been wearing her purity ring as a tangible symbol of her promise to God and her future husband that she would maintain her virginity until her wedding night. But wearing that purity ring can trip up single women in that it creates in us an expectation that we are somehow waiting for our lives to begin until we get married. We are always looking to the future, waiting for our one true love to sweep us off of our feet.

      The author’s point is that she decided to stop believing she was in a “waiting” period. Life is now. And her one true love is Jesus, the one who took the punishment we all deserve for our waywardness. The purity ring – despite all of it benefits – can also be a stumbling block if it keeps us from living in the present or causes some kind of expectation that to be single is “less” than to be married.

      1. Ah right – so before she took the ring off she was thinking that almost certainly she would be marrying some male swinging dick but now, she has decided to take the ring off because basically she’s getting married to Jesus – she has now married Jesus – so as of now, and having married one man, Jesus, she has given up the idea of marrying any other man and essentially because she has now married Jesus – and of course it wouldn’t be right for her to ever divorce Jesus – am I right?

  16. “It’s just that for me, taking mine off represented giving up the idea of a future husband.”

    This is why I took off mine, too. I’m still a virgin, but after two broken engagements, I decided I needed to stop focusing so much on being pure for my “future husband” (who may or may not exist) and more on loving Jesus.

    This doesn’t mean I’ve given up hope that I’ll be married someday, but I needed to do away with the expectation that I will be.

  17. Wow, this is such an eye opener! I mean i’ve heard things along the same lines but, it just really hit me how we already have a true love, we don’t need to be ‘waiting’ for one. And our desire to remain pure should not spring from our selfish desires but it should spring from our desire to honor God – rather than a desire to solely honor the possibility of our ‘future husband.’ Such utter truth – thankyou for sharing!

  18. I love this and respect it and I do tell my daughters constantly about being pure one thing I do is every year for her birthday I give her a new ring and she writes her struggles for that year how God has helped her and so on I like to keep at the for front on how Jesus help her through prayer and seeking him but on the same note i say I will give her a ring until she’s married like you said she may not ever marry but this can be anticipation and knowing because of God she s where she is in her life
    Thanks for your post

  19. I love a lot of points you made and it made me realize that sexual purity is not only about being a virgin but even when you find your life partner, you need to remain sexually pure as you celebrate God’s gift.

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