I don’t think I could convey to you how many times my friends and I have have pondered this question:
“Is the guy I like where he needs to be spiritually? He’s really cute and super nice…but I don’t want to get into a relationship that won’t be Christ-centered.”
At least for college-aged girls this is a huge deal because we are NO longer in a place where we can say to a guy after a not-so-great date, “I’m going to college soon, so there’s really no point” or “I’m not old enough to be in a relationship.”
I, and a lot of my friends, are in a place now where we really want to listen to the Lord and trust that he will bring us the person we want to marry, in his timing. Unfortunately, I don’t believe there is a black and white answer. And I don’t believe you will know right away if you could spend the rest of your life with someone the first day you meet them, in most cases.
However, after doing some thinking and praying, I do believe that if you are done playing games and if you are serious about waiting for a man to pursue you that will lead you in a Christ-centered relationship, he will need to be mature in his faith. I’m not going to list out the stereotypical “reads his Bible and prays everyday” qualification, though that is so honorable and important. I simply want to look outside the box and look mainly at how he treats others and himself.
Ladies, here are 5 great indicators of a mature man. I hope you will consider these prayerfully as you get to know someone you’re interested in. (Also, let’s make a promise to ourselves and God that we will do these things for others as well….because we all know maturity isn’t just for men! Hahaha!)
A mature man:
1. Does what he says he’s going to do.
If he says he’s going to help you in some way, he tries his best to do it. If he says he’s coming to your performance at 7, he is going to do everything he can to come support. If he says he’s going to stop treating you a certain way, he makes sure its going to happen. If he doesn’t keep his word with you, how can you trust him? I want to be able to rely on my guy!
“All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.” -Matthew 5:37
2. Treats others with purpose.
A man who has experienced the love of God realizes that every human being on this planet is a beautiful creation made in God’s image. Therefore, every person he meets is someone who deserves his love and respect. Also, he will treat you the way he wants his future daughter to be treated. If he is mature, he won’t play around with your heart. He will be purposeful and make his intentions clear.
“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” -Genesis 1:27
3. Knows how to apologize.
This is huge. A humble man will realize when he has made a mistake and will do his best to admit it and fix it.
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” -James 5:16
“Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;” Hebrews 12:14-15
4. Spends time and money wisely.
He puts aside time to study for tests. He doesn’t buy that TV when he knows he can’t afford it.
“Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the best part of everything you produce. Then he will fill your barns with grain, and your vats will overflow with good wine.” -Proverbs 3:9,10
“The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied.” -Proverbs 13:4
5. Fights for Purity. Including his own.
If you’ve read my previous post “Sincerely, One of Many Girls Who Care” you know how important this is. I’m going to be blunt for a quick sec: If he pressures you to do things you know aren’t right in your heart, whether its just a little kiss or not, DROP HIM. A man who values you will value your purity, and respect your future husband, by not allowing anything to happen that will compromise your values or his. I will also go to say that if someone you’re interested in is addicted to porn, he’s not in a place where he can whole-heartedly love you, and only you. Love him first and foremost like a brother in Christ, and urge him to get help for this addiction. Pornography is so relevant among men our age, I’m almost tempted to say that if you find a man who isn’t looking at porn, he will most likely have all of the above traits I’ve listed; because in order for him to not look at that, he is most likely pursuing Christ with his while heart anyway.
“Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” -1 Timothy 2:22
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.” -Matthew 5:8
Girls, who we trust with our hearts needs to be someone we can trust. There ARE men like this out there. Please don’t think there are not. I know because I can think of at least 15 in my head right at this very moment.
You are so incredibly precious. Please don’t waste your time or emotions giving your heart to someone who will love you in a worldy way.
Anyone can do that. Stick it out for a man who will reveal the love of Christ to you, everyday, in every way he can.
Because that is the kind of love that breaks through barriers.
The kind of love that a strong family can be built on.
The kind of love that changes the world and spreads like a wildfire.
And most importantly, THAT is the kind of love that brings Heaven to Earth.♥
Be Malleable 
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Anna, Thank you for posting this was great! I want to thank you for the encouragement your blog is to me and other men, it is great knowing that there are sisters out there that are fighting for us, and think I can speak for men everywhere by saying “Thank You”
While yes we are, but mere mortals and we are not perfect, and we know we fall short, it is awesome seeing others wanting to see godly men stand up. so once again thank you!
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This is a very good post, Anna. I’m actually an Atheist. After 32 years in the church, homeschooling, rock-solid parents, etc… I had decided that I’d seen enough. One, among many, of the driving factors was the vapid nature of the women I met on Sundays and during small groups. Probably if I’d met a few who were as sold out for Christ as you appear to be, I’d have stuck around a little longer.
I’ve read most of your articles and you’re just amazing. I am catholic but also a strong believer in God, in purity, decency, and preserving my virginity…. or I WAS that is … until that someone comes along that you know is bad for you because they drive you away from God, and although he may not exacly steal your virginity you can feel yoir relationship with that person slowly tearing your relationship with Christ. and that’s where I am at now …. strong enough to recognize my mistakes, and the fact that certain things aren’t bringing me closer to God, but too weak to let go of those things. Your writting serves as an inspiration for me, also a very good example that good people like you still exist and that it’s not just me fighting against the entire sexual society. On the other hand, I could really really use some aevice because I’m stuck in a somewhat sticky situation.
Another great article! Really appreciate what you have to say. I think I speak for guys when I say those are the things we strive to achieve!
Thanks for having the confidence in us!
Thanks Daniel! 🙂
Anna, superb article! I strongly believe that it can be just as informative and enlightening to young men as well as women. I want to thank you for giving me a wake up call as a young man in college about to turn twenty. The term ‘man’ here is used technically and loosely, as I am nowhere near able to call myself a man yet.
Not that you or your article merits any criticism in any way- you write these things which are true on so many levels, and you yourself seem to be an excellent example for others, a role model in maturity, intelligence, righteousness, humility, kindness, wisdom and beauty among other things- it is simply that I would feel better if there was a slightly different emphasis on purity. Just because a person avoids looking at porn certainly does not imply that he is mature or exhibits one or any of the above qualities mentioned. I would suggest such a thing so strongly only because I know the same to be true for myself. I humbly admit to looking at pornography in middle school, quit, and I never have since. That having been said, unfortunately I exhibit none of the aforementioned traits.
I do not always do what I say I’m going to do, even if it’s a promise to myself. I am only human, yet I sometimes go back on what I said, and arrive late to just about anything if I don’t force my brain to believe that the event begins five minutes before it actually begins.
I do not always treat others with purpose. I have known myself to show mixed signals to other people only because out of selfish, immaturity I want to have mixed feelings about them myself.
I do not always know how to apologize. I am quick to say my piece, but it isn’t always the right thing to say. I know when to apologize, but not how.
I do not spend time or money wisely. My second year in college I bought a pool table with my friend. I don’t read my bible or even pray every week, much less every day, and I am actually procrastinating on finishing my sermon for tomorrow right now. I think these actions speak for themselves.
I do not fight for or even seek purity in others or myself. Just because I know what I am supposed to do doesn’t mean I do it. Just because I don’t look at pornography doesn’t mean the desire isn’t there. It definitely is, and I have to change the way I look at both men and women because of it. It changes the way I seek relationships. I know that I have to search for a mate in a certain way to make sure I am looking for the right(eous) qualities in her, and I know that because of past relationships that I’ve had and messed up simply because I didn’t look for good qualities to begin with (if you’re wondering, I don’t look for someone to date, I look for someone to be friends with, and then marry).
I say all of this to illustrate my point that just because a person does or does not partake in something doesn’t mean that he’s cut out for anyone, ladies, including you. A lot of us are young and are young enough to still want to live like we’re young. We still have a long way to go. I still have a long way to go. Please be patient, encouraging us and supporting us as we still grow in Christ together and thank you, those of you who do that very thing.
Peace be with you all,
JT Hale
JT you are so right when you say that just because someone doesn’t look at porn, it doesn’t mean they’re pure. Really good point! Once again, you’re right: Nobody is perfect. I hope you were not discouraged by the article because “you’re failing” at the indicators I listed. The point of this article was not to set a standard so hard for guys that they could never fulfill it, it was to give girls who are interested in a guy/being pursued by a guy to have something to reflect and pray on when deciding if she and that guy could be more than just friends. But I do believe that if guys are genuinely trying their best to do all these things, that’s all you can ask for. It sounds to me llike you have an amazing heart for Jesus and I’m so encouraged by that! You rock JT! Thank you for taking the time to write all that!
I love this post! I am a huge fan of most of your posts actually. Thank you for using your writing gifts to not only make me think, but to encourage me spiritually in my everyday life. You are 100% correct in the fact that relationships in college carry a lot more weight than those in high school. Most high school men are no where near ready to get down on one knee in high school, or while you are. But in college, the reality of spending your life with the person you are spending you time with, is as tangible as my laptop.
I also like what Ryan said about not looking for or trying to find our future spouses.
In Song of Solomon we are warned to “not awaken love until it so desires” (SOS 3:5, AND 8:4) I used to think this pertained only to premarital sex, but have recently had my eyes opened as to a deeper meaning. I think those versus encourage us “single ladies” (and men) to wait on God’s timing for relationships and love. Like Ryan said, I think we should be aware of our surroundings, but we should be careful not to chase love or awaken it with someone until God’s perfect timing, which I assure you, He will let you know when that is. Like you, I am surrounded by young men with hearts for God who have all five of these qualities and will make both wonderful husbands and fathers giving me great examples of qualities that I shouldn’t settle for someone without. That in mind, I am content with being single and falling in love with Christ while God is busy making sure I am ready and my future spouse is ready when its time for that love to be awakened. And I will praise Him when it is, because nothing will be more beautiful than the hand crafted story He has planned for you and I since the beginning of time. (“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” -Jeremiah 1:5)
You are absolutely beautiful. You are so wise and I’m so happy to know you are setting an amazing example for those around you!
One of my American Facebook friends shared your blog and since then I have been reading what you’ve been writing. And I like how you write and engourage Christian men to be stronger in their faith.
This is really random but are you or your family from Finland, just wondered because of your last name is Finnish, I believe. I’m from Finland myself, so you have at least one international follower 🙂 keep up the good job writing about God and God’s love for both women and men! Amazing!
Yes, I’m Finnish! Haha! Thank you so much for reading!
This is super good!
I always tells girls that they need to look for a ‘611 Guy’.
From 1 Timothy 6:11, “But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness.”
That verse is perfect! 🙂
Yeah it’s fantastic! And it’s multifaceted too… It’s what girls need to be looking for, and what guys need to be.
God Bless you Anna! You are so right. Put God first and things fall into place with His guidance and favor.
Thanks Jim!
So, I didnt read more than a couple sentences of your post; I stopped and assumed that what you were writing was leading into an entirely different direction than it actually was. Ya, an entirely different direction ……and I’m the one surprised and mistaken. I very much enjoyed the read, and enjoyed the seemingly fluidity of your writing as well as the sources. 🙂
Before, coming to my senses haha… I began to write the below and then… The thought occurred to me somewhere near the lines of : “Just read more of what she wrote before you let yourself assume.” …and then I was like “uhh, I agree !.” I’m not sure why this got sent to my email..however, Since I agree so much, I thought i’d just send what I wrote below anyways. (as someone who agrees with you.)
Often times, we spend so much time fixating our eyes on selfish desires, that we fail to fixate our eyes upon what truly matters the most; Jesus christ Our lord. And the closer we get to God, the closer he will bring us to each other in his will. In the same way, the closer we get to God; the further away we will become to those that aren’t meant for us. But, when we fixate our eyes upon The Lord, and run to him with all out heart and soul, he will provide. So, we must give him the reigns and allow him to drive, to judge, and to lead. For which one of us has lead ourselves in the right path without him? Which of us has plucked a fruit from a branch, that was made without his love? Yet, when we take the reigns, when we fixate our eyes away from God towards ourselves and what “we think we want”, we end up on our knees in tears…we end up begging for forgiveness…we end up crawling back wounded, realizing that what we thought we wanted was never what we wanted at all. I say these words, because some of us are so proactive, that we get so tired of waiting, that we decide “I’m gonna find him/her.” Rather than waiting for God to bring us together. Now, I’m not saying dont keep your eyes open of your surroundings. But, who’s to say that the one God has planned for you is as equally yoked as you when you meet him.
(Isa 40:31), (psalm 141:8), (1 peter 5:7), (Matthew 6:26), and yours 🙂 …oh man there’s so many good reads on this too! The Old Testament is just covered in lessons of “faith”,”love”,”devotion” .
I really wanted to send a picture of something my pastor showed me years ago. But I can’t seem to currently find one online for some reason so here’s mine.
Ryan you are spot on. Thank you for taking the time to read this and write such a beautiful response! I love the triangle diargram! Love what you said: “For which one of us has lead ourselves in the right path without him?”